Kena insulted by a teacher recently..

dunno why..
if it was the old me, i wouldn't have even shed a tear..
but this time,
i cried.
like, uncontrollably.

i really loathe the crying me.

i felt damn weak, wanted to find someone to rely on..

yet i "quarrelled" with him yesterday,
went over to check if he's in class.. at least i had some support by seeing him..
but didn't get to see him..

totally disappointed..

Really dunno what's wrong with me..

It's like, its so NOT okay,
but i just smiled and said it's alright.

Feel like i love to put up a fake front..
I really really loathe seperation.

my cousin died of leukemia years back,
now my mum's not very healthy,
and i promised her to pass my maths..

i really really dun want to disappoint her.
but it's like, i really tried my best.
i studied in class, listened attentively, on the bus back home i think about the methods, at home i practised it.
I really really just want to see at least a pass.

that's all.

somehow,
friends are not close to me anymore..
dunno if i'm being paranoid or what..
i really dunno how to put it..

it's like,
you were waiting for that close friend of urs to sms you saying he/she is dismissed,
then right infront of you is he/she with a friend which you loathe.

how do i not think..?

why does everything come at once..
i really cannot take it..

perhaps, i'll just opt out of syf too..
or mabe wait for KDS to tell me i suck, and get kicked out, cannot play syf.

It's a waiting game..

i really really hate the life now.
those fake smiles, those act-like-i-have-loads-of-friends crap.

The fact is, i dun have,
The fact is, i'm NOT happy,
The fact is, i hate my life now.

i hope my mum doesn't have the same illness.

BYE.BYE

rained @ 7:52 PM