To Jasmine:I wasn't meaning about u being not lonely and emo. I was just implying that you can't feel that feeling of out casted when with you guys. It's not your fault or something. And, i really dunno how to explain it la.I can declare that i'm crazy now.
This is gonna be a vulgar post. If you feel offended in any ways, don't read my post. Thanks.I seriously don't get why my dad every time bad mood, bu shuang then scold me like wad la. I mean like, what did i do wrong? I was just watching anime there then he suddenly say wad:
" Still don't want to do your homework har?! Later cannot finish Kao Peh Kao Bu again. ""KNN la. FCUK YOU ASSHOLE. You don't even know if ur daughter has any activities, homework yet everyday come home SCOLD SCOLD SCOLD. I alrdy do finish my homework le lorh. Yesterday was cause i told my SANTHOSH to do the HE thing and he didn't wad. Say wad tuition till 10pm. What can i do? I had band till 7pm+ Reach home around 9pm+ Eat dinner and everything 10pm+ liao. You know all these meh? EVERYDAY YOU COME HOME, SEE I LATE HOME SCOLD ME. Plus, WHEN i KPKB at you?! I never cry to you or what larh. Mai anyhow say. "
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT MY FEELING OR NOT?I only want family love la. Got so hard? Everyday you just come home scold and scold. Else good mood you just sit there anyhow laugh. People dunno you think you siao liao lor. Have you ever wondered what i need? What i want?
It's a
STRAIGHT NO. All you think about is
MONEY. Never returned you the 20bucks meant for my china buddy you black face me whole day. Anyhow scold me.
I alrdy lost my wallet, TOGETHER with the money le, YOU HAPPY?!Some kind soul out there, bring me out of this hell. I've no where to go. Everyday, i'm drifting here and there. In class, in CCA, now, i don't even feel that i want to get home. Cause of the preliminary exams going on, i can't stay in school anymore. In fact, i kena chased out by teacher.
How great. Yi Hong asked, why i look so moody? I have the urge to tell him, how can i be happy? But i don't wanna say it out. EoYs are coming, i wanna study. But i'm too occupied, nothing will get into my head.
I hope Kah Hwee will persevere. Cause, i'm tired too. Everyday, seeing everything shattered, yet i can't do anything. It hurts like shit. This month, i shed the most tears of my life. Everyday in school makes me wanna cry, but i can't. For i'm scared that when i do, Ger will be emo, my close buddies will be affected by me. I don't wanna affect others anymore.
Ezzul, i'm really desperate for a hole to just hide myself inside, covering it up and never getting out. Band now, i've no trust on what seniors tell us anymore. I rather rely on myself and pals. My guess, people do change..? It's just that, everything around me changes in such quick second that i don't have a time for reaction.
I just hope, a smile really is a curve that sets everything straight. But, all the while, i've been trying, nothing is done correctly.
i'm really afraid.
Afraid that one day, i might just live in this darkness.
I know that Charlotte is willing to be my bottle..
Where i can throw my troubles inside.
But, i just thought, next year will be Os for you, you won't have so much time then..
So, i shan't disturb you guys so much.
Ciao.
