Okays. This is gonna be a super emo and long post.

Sadly to say, i have no motive in me going to school now. To me, school just sucks. The group of people are getting more and more overboard. Thinking that its very fun and interesting to see people getting pissed. At the very least, i still had the motivation to go for band.

In Jan, i could still tell myself, luckily there's CMB. But by the mid of Jan, i started to think of qutting. I just couldn't help it la. Put in so much effort, practised so much and yet i suck. I believed that Practise makes perfect. But somehow, it doesn't work on me. In school, i practised. At home, i practised. Till my mum used the same threat on me again. If she sees my grades dropping, she will force me to quit. Now, don't need her force. I just want to say, I QUIT.

In project works, the works are pushed to me. I did, because its exam graded. Till i just couldn't take it anymore that i just shouted at them. Then, nvm. I spent my whole day of CNY doing that crap project and that idiot teacher maligned me saying that i copied the whole info. wholesale. Like wtf?

I trusted my 2 seniors ( not naming ) so much. But its my fault. I know, cause i suck. They told me the major scales won't be tested today, yet, i was tested. So i owed 900 sets of chromatic scales. My own dumb-ness. No one at fault. I trusted the wrong people.

Now i lost all my motivation in school. Myself to blame too? I don't know. Even now, i am trying to look on the bright side, which, there isn't. >.<*

I think, the cold-blooded me is better. Hate me if you like. I am just gonna get my heart hardened very very soon. That's one thing for sure.

And another thing. I have to make the choice of my life. The choice which affects me for a lifetime. Which i have been avoiding, but i had to. There's no choice of me running away from it.

I just hope, time would just stop. I seriously need a break.
JUST FOR A FEW DARN MINUTES! Can't time stop??!
I need to get everything out of my head. Or perhaps, drink some brainwashing soup that makes me forget everything. I rather be a baby than a teenager.
I am just gonna break down soon. Even now, i can't even control my eyes. They just continued shedding tears even when i tried to stop it.

I wonder, if i ever break down, who will be there for me. But my thinking always leads me to a no answer. Mabe cause i don't wanna face the truth? Don't know. But, i know 1 thing, i am tearing apart soon. I don't even know if i could even help Lynn.

I just hope, i can find a confider real soon. Else, i don't know what will soon be befalling on me.

Have been too troubled to even help others. Troubled over this and that, what's pathetic is, i have no one to turn to. Hence there's this post.

Ciao.

rained @ 9:58 PM